Since you've asked...

Sometimes I find life gets in the way and the things you want to speak and put words to can be too much. It is easier to keep busy and distracted. "You can make plans, but plan on being surprised."

The last time I wrote was way back in early June. I was still living with James, my husband. Shortly after that post, our marriage fell apart, and so did my world for a little while. I put all my time and breath into the business and the girls. It was easier somehow, than dealing with the grief and disappointment of yet another failed relationship. Especially one that became so public. Seems like most of Port Townsend was at our wedding, for goodness sake! But as they say, time heals. James and I have been working at a friendship. He still continues to shop for the restaurant, which I am truly grateful for. That is true friendship to me. Even though our relationship did not work out as a marriage partnership, it has taken another form which works for both of us.

This past week, it being Valentine's, and I was feeling a little sad for myself. Julie, our terrific front end manager & waitress  wanted us to cook Valentine's dinner for everyone this past Tuesday, and there is no doubt in my mind that we would have been fully packed, but my heart just couldn't get behind all the giddy and loving couples we would be feeding and serving. It would just make me feel sadder than I already was.

And then today an "old flame" walked in the door and a mysterious Valentine came in the mail from a secret admirer. Wow, nothing like hitting the jackpot in one day for the old ego!
As flattered as I am by the kind words from the "old flame" I realized that I have so much fear and trepidation around dating and with men in general, let alone being in a relationship anytime soon. There have been days when owning and working in my restaurant has quite literally saved me.

Some of the fear is grounded in "oh shit, single in this town in my 50's!" For those of you who have suddenly become single in your 40's, 50's, or 60's, you know what I am talking about. We love our little town, but sometimes you do not want to live the quote "just wait your turn." Meaning, before long you will have dated everybody, just as everybody else has done. You also want some semblance of autonomy and anonymity. Not gonna happen here. Oh yeah, I tried the Internet and "dating out of town" sort of thing a few years back. Suffice it to say, it was a disaster.

I still think the dog idea is my best bet. A dog will love you loyally and unconditionally. They will be okay with you not being perfect, they will put up with your bitchiness as well as your sometimes neglectfulness. They will just love you because that is what they do best.

So, for those of you wondering what is going on, this post is to set the record straight. Many thanks to Oscar who wanted to know why I wasn't blogging anymore. Honestly, I did not know you all were reading! I also needed to get unstuck from my angst over men, so sometimes, I just need to write it all out, take a deep breathe and begin again.

I promise to write more...